Yesterday the Wolfcar hit 6,000 miles! Hip hip hooray! I know what you’re thinking. “Looks more like 600,000.” I’ll tell you the story behind this car, then I’ll hand the mic to the Wolfman.
My story:
It’s a 2019 Mahindra Roxor. Designed in India, manufactured in Michigan. At Clark’s, they welded on rusted metal and adorned it with bones, a bear trap, and other freaky accoutrements. They bought it because it’s safer than the old boxcar racer the Wolfman used to drive. The handling on the old Wolfmobile is sluggish, which sometimes caused collisions. It was finally wrecked in a tree crash a few years ago. One of the train conductors bought and repaired it, but it’s defunct at Clark’s.
The Wolfman’s story:
Finest car in N’Hampsha. I built it wit ma bare paws! I take pride in ma ride, give it a spit shine once a week. You think dis just a cruddy old jalopy, eh? Ohh, you have no idea. Dis ting’s an all-terrain Wolf Jeep wit 500 wolfpower. Ya puny little train don’t stand a chance! I’ll be runnin’ laps ‘round you pigeon-lickin’ city slickers!
Deep in the White Mountain woods, there lives a mysterious man-beast, a wolf-human hybrid who might be America’s creepiest cryptid.
Strong as Sasquatch
Grisly as a grizzly bear
Chilling as Chupacabra
And more abominable than any snowman.
Half wolf, half man, and all crazy.
The train-chasing menace of Clark’s Bears –
The Wolfman.
Nobody knows his real name, so we call him Wolfman. But we do know what he’s after. If you have the nerve to enter his territory, he’ll yell it at you loud and clear:
“Get off my turf, ya pigeon-lickin’ city slickers! You long-nose flatlanders are after my Unobtainium, and ya ain’t gonna get it!”
The Wolfman claims he has discovered Unobtainium, a rare mineral with incalculable monetary value. So he claimed the land and dug a mine to extract Unobtainium. And he defends his claim with a wild passion. Behold, the Wolfman Mine.
This mile-long stretch of woods is known as Wolfman Territory. But the White Mountain Central Railroad runs through it, and they reserve the right to pass through. Every time that train chugs through full of families on vacation, the Wolfman emerges, making a display of power and chasing them all away.
Wolfman Territory is like an emotional hurricane. People gasp, they shriek, and they laugh themselves to tears. Children start howling with the Wolfman. It’s an incredible thrill ride for a train that peaks at 7 MPH.
At last, there is videographic evidence of this admittedly far-fetched story, solid proof of the Wolfman’s existence. It was filmed by a brave soul riding the train.
WARNING: The content may be disturbing to some. Many viewers have reported that these images make their stomach churn in horror. Viewer discretion is advised.
My name is Aaron, and the Wolfman you see here is me. I’m a comedy actor from small-town New Hampshire, and I have the rare honor and privilege of playing Clark’s Wolfman.
Follow my blog and you’ll follow the Wolfman. You’ll find show highlights and stories from Wolfman Territory. Join me as I learn to act and make this show as thrilling and hilarious as I possibly can.
I’m channeling all of my creative energy into this show. I write my own jokes, and I’m sharpening my improv. As I brainstorm more ideas, the character will grow and evolve. Look how much he’s changed already:
The Wolfman is an attraction in the tiny town of Lincoln, New Hampshire. As a local legend, he’s up there with the Old Man of the Mountain. Some families return every year for decades. But he’s largely unknown beyond the Granite State, save for a few far-traveling tourists.
With this blog, I aspire to give the Wolfman a broader audience. His fan base is passionate but mostly local. He could entertain so many more people, if only they knew he was there.
Aaron Burhoe's Creative Showcase 